He quietly fussed over his sweetheart all day long, heating up meals, making cuppas. We deployed the help button. I can tell you that there's nothing more humbling than a kind nurse calmly explaining that the cartel-level cocktail of opioids you're ingesting have had a constipating effect, which - coupled with my small frame - meant that I was currently staring at my own protruding bowels.
I need bed. We got the giggles, then stopped. Breast Cancer Awareness Month. 464K likes. "During your life, were you angry - that's why you got cancer?" Want to know a great trick for confusing the hell out of your gynae room-mates? Want to hear a funny story about the time they cut off my breasts? Photo / Getty Images Taking in your reflection sans breasts for the first time is a pretty confronting experience. From breaking news to debate and conversation, we bring you the news as it happens. In August 2018 I was told that both of my breasts were intent on killing me.

Lost in translation gold. So, here's me, fresh from my bilateral mastectomy, rehoused on the Gynaecology Ward. Hard questions put to board over controversial takeover offer. Spread the word about Breast Cancer Awareness Month on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or LinkedIn. She sported a little ink and a large scar on one wrist. We began chatting. I knew what she was intimating. On a drip, she shivered and sobbed. I'm simply part of a large, well-documented club. Membership is terrifying and boring in equal measure – waiting rooms, scans, results, operations, meds in, bloods out. I'm confused. I suspected the ragged scar was for him too. Laugh whenever possible. Your News is the place for you to save content to read later from any device. In the next breath she's telling me how she and a mate got dodgy boob jobs in Asia. "F***, I'm hot," I quipped, after my husband helped me remove my gown in a windowless hospital bathroom, not easy given the aforementioned drains and a drip stand. How botched? 465K likes. I'd had nipple-sparing mastectomies but my black and yellow left nipple looked to be dying and had to be removed. My first walk, late evening. Arts Foundation Laureates on what inspired them growing up, Harry and Meghan should lose royal titles, Brits believe. she demands. Get that bastard binge-watching surgeon here STAT! I never got to share my discoveries, because one call saying her eldest wouldn't sleep and the dutiful wife pulled her drip and departed at 11pm. Vhi Healthcare is the proud sponsor of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month this October. Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I padded past, thought better about wise-cracking "had I known, I'd have catered", opting instead to thank them as I lay down, desperate to be rendered mute. She grasped my hand and hissed, "If they make me have this baby, we will both die." On the go and no time to finish that story right now?
Day three, I was nil by mouth as I readied for another trip to theatre. Not every encounter was humorous and one particular night still haunts me. Seven weeks along and already in the grips of the violent illness that had hallmarked the entirety of her previous pregnancies, she was desperate. She settled, so out of interest I googled her religion's stance on termination.

In a hospital corridor. Trust me, this angle is way more interesting than the "cancer journey" blog my friends kept bugging me to write. Hope Share the story of how you or a loved one have been affected by breast cancer. Sometimes the humour happened without any input from me whatsoever. Campaigners clash over End of Life Choice Bill, Use Ōhakea airbase for quarantine: Expert's plea, NZ Rugby refute claims they approved schedule, Covid swab causes brain fluid to leak from US woman's nose, William and Kate's adorable moment during video call, 'I felt I had nothing to live for': Lonely Argentine finds hope in Tauranga, Man speaks out after 'vile' Tinder messages got him fired, Wife wakes from coma to discover husband's betrayal, Lundy murders: Explosive revelations about day Christine and Amber died, Trump, Melania in quarantine awaiting Covid-19 test results, Family bark, shout and scale barriers as Mobster murderer jailed, 'The water was over my head really quickly': Hawke's Bay's heroes, and their incredible tales of bravery, Judith Collins on tourism, the Treaty and Trump, Transtasman travel: Two Aussie states to open to Kiwis in fortnight, The Covid-19 puzzle: Communal rubbish bin blamed for virus spread, Gregor Paul: How NZ Rugby became isolated and vulnerable, Metlifecare shareholders approve $1.27b takeover, ZM host Megan Papas: 'I'm as far along in my pregnancy as Chrissy Teigen was'. My new acquaintance and I shuffled over to warm her with extra blankets. Another room-mate arrived. Breast Cancer Awareness by GreaterGood, Seattle, Washington. A woman in obvious pain came in. When you get transferred, you go wherever there's an empty bed. "What's wrong with you?" This botched, as she whipped open first puffer vest, then nightgown, revealing misshapen, badly scarred breasts. Proudly wear a pink ribbon during October or year-round.

Show your support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October and throughout the year. Anecdotes from a BilateralMastectomy may not sound at all humorous, but it is - and also poignant - when Helen Morgan recalls her experience. I present my nipples: Pauline and Jacinda. The pink ribbon, for breast cancer awareness month in Aotearoa. I was the sickest but the luckiest person in that room. Breast Cancer Awareness Month. She was only in her mid-20s, yet her life was cyclical hell. Two large bulges each side of my waist had put paid to our mirth. Turned out she was a regular for chronic ovarian cysts and suspected endometriosis. However, she has one more doozy to lob as we part - "You're too pretty to have cancer." My usual MO during trying emotional junctures is to crack a joke. Host a virtual fundraiser or Facebook fundraiser benefitting NBCF. Opinion: Move to blow up Super Rugby started in July and has now all but been completed. From there, I found myself meeting with medical professionals equally intent upon keeping me alive. "Were you angry?" She'd undergone exploratory surgery and they were waiting to discuss next steps with their surgeon and a translator. 3.9M likes. The ink was for the son she'd lost a year earlier at six months' gestation. Register with us and content you save will appear here so you can access them to read later. Two children under 5, a full-time job, unhelpful in-laws living with her, plus a husband away for months at a time. My husband and I laid the blame squarely on the right nipple for harbouring extreme nationalist leanings, christening the racist victor "Pauline" (Hanson). Unfortunately, I fared poorly post-surgery, which necessitated a transfer to Auckland City Hospital.

Now to straight out bonkers. Nope, but funnily enough I am now. In truth, I looked like a deflated pool toy thanks to the tissue expanders wedged where my C cups once resided. Climb out of bed with four drains protruding from your upper chest. Morning came, surgeon took another look at my defeated nipple, pronounced a late rally from the left – operation cancelled.

As I jig my tea bag. Three faces all expressing the same thought: "How far did her gynaecologist go?". From morning through afternoon, a registrar provided regular, apologetic updates, explaining that the surgeon "was in theatre/still in theatre". I explain, while trying to exit. I'm looking at you gorgeous elderly Asian couple in the opposite corner. I made a mental note to raise this with my oncologist. She is in for an ovarian cyst. A few weeks later I was walking into an operating theatre at Greenlane Hospital, where a seemingly endless surgical team formed a touching guard of honour.

I'm not that pretty, nor special. You can't explain the pain of losing a baby and the feeling that as a woman you've failed. Whether you’re looking to buy or rent, OneRoof.co.nz has everything you need to find your dream home. My only advice if you find yourself on this journey"? These updates were uncomplainingly accepted by the couple, until a 3pm "I am so sorry but he's had to go back into theatre" broke my Mr Gorgeous, who, with only the slightest hint of exasperation in his voice responded, "He's at the movies?" 74K likes. Cue more jokes. Show your support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October and throughout the year.